At this moment
The ego stands and trails behind it
All the variations of me throughout my life.
The sadness and the heartaches and hurts are particularly vivid in the trailing baggage.
Not to mention the mistakes.
The smallness I felt. The unlovableness. How easily those old feelings rush up to inhabit the present moment once again. Not healed or diminished just because so many moments have passed.
These egoic shadows seem so present and tangible to me. They steal my confidence in the presence of others. Fill me with doubt. Weigh me down.
I’m sure they can see them.
Or at least sense them.
But sometimes my soul shows up in the present. Well, the soul is actually always in the present, but sometimes it manages to scoot my ego and all its trailing shadowy baggage off to the side and truly shine. And I feel like a magical sparkle human, completely present and unencumbered. Pure joy.
Which part of me is more real? Does the weight and burden of all the past moments somehow trump the present? If we accept that only the present moment is real, what does that mean for the trailing shadows? Can I loosen my attachment to them? And what if I can? Who will I be then?
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