Talking with my sangha the other day, someone mentioned all of the opportunities for connection we have today, with the internet and especially social media, and she mentioned something about us as human beings. And this sparked the thought in me of these two aspects of ourselves: Human, and Being, and how both seek for connection.
We can think of our Human side as everything that has to do with the form that we find ourselves in, the survival instincts, our bodies needs and desires, the ego, etc. A human body came to be what they are now through millions of years of evolution, which means our bodies are finely attuned to moderate what promotes survival. At its most essential level, that is the role of the ego—to operate in the world and manage the myriad forces at play that can impact survival. You may have heard the saying, “There’s no such thing as a lone human.” For the entirety of humanity’s history, alone=death. It’s why exile worked as punishment. It was essentially death.
What this means in terms of the discussion at hand is that our Human sides need connection, on a deep, survival level. This connection-seeking comes out of a place of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of isolation, fear of being misunderstood, fear of loneliness. Given the above premise, it’s obvious that all of these fears are at their most basic level survival fears. Alone=death.
Our other aspect, our Beingness, is entirely free from these fears. The part of each of us that is Being is free from birth and death cycles and is just taking a turn on this learning landscape called earth. Unconcerned with survival, our Beings come from love and, in essence, are love. If you believe that all of us come from an ultimate Source, then we are all connected, and are of the same substance. As Ram Dass was repeatedly told by his guru, “Sub ek,” meaning, “All one.” So our Beings also desire connection, but not from a fearful, concerned place. Our Beings desire connection out of love and the pure joy of truly being together. At our best, we help each other remember the Beings that we are, and the Human aspects fall away in importance.
Ram Dass said “In most of our human relationships, we spend much of our time reassuring one another that our costumes of identity are on straight.” But it’s possible, with some people at some times, to exist together beyond that. Another Ram Dass quote captures this idea so well. “Now you look into the eyes of another being, and you see another being just like you looking back at you. Are you in there? Far out! I’m in here. How did you get into that one?“ We can experience the wonder and joy of existing together as Beings, regardless of any of our Human trappings.
There is a lot of shame sometimes around feeling lonely or disconnected. I think that stems from our Human aspects, and these feelings poke the fears that we’ll be left alone (which our core programming equates with death). That shame is supposed to act as a prod to go out and connect: Do whatever it takes, be whatever it takes, just CONNECT before it’s too late! But I think if, even when we feel those fears, we do what we can to ground ourselves in Being, we can see the beauty in our longing to connect, and we can think of ways to make our connections and interactions more powerful and meaningful, more soul-feeding. Only we can know what is driving us at any particular moment. Are we seeking connection from a place of need? Are we hoping someone will help us feel like we aren't exiled? That we aren't alone? That we are safely IN the in-group? Or are we feeling a desire to connect from that part of us that loves and is Love? The reality is that our Human aspect is unlikely to get satisfied, because it knows that survival must always be top of mind. Those needs are insatiable. So we can acknowledge our fears around disconnection, but not let them guide our actions or have an unreasonable impact on our sense of worth. "Ah, there's those fears of rejection and feelings of loneliness surfacing again. I know, Human aspect, that to you, this is life or death. But I've got it under control. Thank you for your concern." And from that space, we are truly free to connect, Being to Being, with others.
Comentários