let the thoughts and opinions of the mind...

...be the thoughts and opinions of the mind. --Ram Dass

Something that has come as a surprise to me over the past couple of years is to notice how frequently I existed in a state of resistance to What Is aka The Present Moment. I think it was while reading Michael Singer's book The Untethered Soul for the first time that I came across the idea of how our preferences so easily put us in an adverse position to the reality life presents us with. I think it is easy enough to see the negative impact and energy drain that disliking things can cause, but most of us don't see anything wrong with liking things and experiences. I think the challenge is the duality and the state of engaging with the world from a viewpoint of our preferences. I like sunny days, therefore I dislike (or like less) rainy or overcast days. I like when I encounter a string of green lights while driving, and thus hitting every red light stirs up negativity in me. I like the company of people that are interesting and friendly, while dreading time spent in the company of people I find obnoxious. That all sounds very reasonable, I'm sure. But the curious thing (to me) was to start noticing how often I would go through my day and random things would happen and I would first categorize them as a like or a dislike. Even as I sit typing this, I am in a rather noisy Starbucks and I could be expending even a tiny bit of energy wanting the people chatting to be quieter or the music to be different or the chair to be more comfortable or the table a different height. So often it's like we live with a curmudgeonly grandmother inside our own heads who just has to comment about everything. It would be really annoying to be around, yet we subject ourselves to it day after day after day. And we don't realize what a huge energy drain it can be.

The great irony of pleasant experiences, however, is that they can often breed attachment, and enjoyment then turns to clinging, leading us to suffer. -- Pema Chödrön

Buddhist teachings talk about attachment or clinging being the root of suffering. I have found it immensely helpful in my practice of mindfulness to notice how often resistance to the present moment (and therefore clinging to an idea of what I think should happen, I mean really why didn't anyone consult me?) shows up. Then I can take a good breath (or a few) and tell myself "I allow reality to be as it is." Once I can accept* What Is, my own energy is free to use to determine how I will respond to it. From this position I am much more likely to act in accord with my wisdom and do things I won't later regret. *My therapist liked to say that acceptance doesn't mean approval.

Recently we spent some time with people who were lovely and genuine and kind, but some things about them set off some of my old conditioning and I noticed the thought "These people are weird," coming up periodically. Instead of going down the path with that thought, which I could recognize as an egoic one, I was grateful for the words of Ram Dass that came to mind, from the lyrics of the song Sit Around the Fire:

Beyond all polarities, I am Let the judgments and opinions of the mind Be judgments and opinions of the mind And you exist behind that.

I was able to recognize this thought for what it was, a judgment and opinion of the mind. Anytime it showed up I labeled it as such and let it drift away. It was a really powerful example to me of how nice it feels to get out of my own way, to let my heart rest in openness even if the mind wants to chime in with its unsolicited and often unhelpful opinions.

I have had a few conversations recently where I've had a chance to discuss the imbalance that most of us have in Western society between our minds, our hearts/souls, and our bodies. In her book The History of God, Karen Armstrong talks about how prior to around the 1600s the idea of an intuitive knowing was valuable, and it was understood generally that one could not know about something as ineffable as God with the intellect. But as the scientific discoveries of the 1600s-1800s solved more and more human predicaments and increased our understanding of how the natural world operated, people began to look to science, and therefore our own logic and reason by extension, to solve all problems, even our personal or spiritual ones. Intuition and emotions were relegated to a lesser realm (frequently lumped in with the other "feminine weaknesses"). We pride ourselves on our reasoning abilities, and they really can be such a force for good, but at what cost? I don't think it is an exaggeration to say that the past 400 years of dismissing intuition and emotions has led to where we are as a society today, which is facing both an ecological crisis and widespread mental health crises. Maybe it is time for us to embrace the other Knowing.

The beautiful video for Sitting Around the Fire.

A great piece on attachment by Sharon Salzberg.